Log in

No account? Create an account
Epic Fail - tranquility... best achieved in chaos
Epic Fail
I cannot write what I'm supposed to, no matter how hard I try. It's unbelievably frustrating.

So I wrote snippets; they've stuttered out of me slowly, maddeningly, leaking prose on accident and falling apart into fragments here and comma splices there, and I've seriously forgotten what makes a sentence beautiful. ARGH.

I need some inspirational poems.



The blast is a beat behind them when she breathes again. She understands fear, more so after the last few years with Booth, and there is comfort, explanation, in the racing of her heart, the shake of her hands.

Smoke and exhaustion thicken the air, and she is content to sit at his side, his hand firmly gripping her leg as the helicopter arches over the city line, swinging around toward home. His fingers are rough, warm against the skin above her knee, and she studies the lines – muscles and bones strong and defined.

She turns to him more directly, looks him over for signs of trauma and notices the missing belt, the cuts, the dirt and she is grateful for his hand at her knee, the weight reassuring as her mind goes to what might have been. His eyes are closed, head leaning back, but she can tell his teeth are clenched tightly, jawline rigid, and she knows all to well the nightmares he'll have.

She settles beside him, rests her head gently against his shoulder and stares down at his hand, unable to reason through her feelings.



The message arrives, a nondescript package wrapped firmly in military hands because her communication with and knowledge of Atlantis always has and will continue to be strictly confidential.

The video is fairly short, filmed in John's quarters (and she smiles when she realizes he must have tided up before filming because she definitely remembers what passed as usual), and John looks the same. A little stressed perhaps, but she's not surprised; he'd never been good at the one man show.

He says a handful of things: minor updates meant to aid her in Stargate Command negotiations, pleasant questions, and then he pauses, looks awkward.

"Happy Birthday, Elizabeth." He shrugs, like it's an apology, and the screen goes dark.

It's not her birthday anymore, of course, but she caught the keycode, hidden in an innocent question. She uses the date for the cypher and waits while the encryption code works. It's a Rodney invention, and even though he isn't privy to its use, she's thankful for their foresight.

John reappears, and she hears garbled sound as he comes into focus; it's a little fuzzy as the filter reveals what was hidden in the prior message.

He smiles weakly. "Hey - so here it is, the Wraith attacks are increasing; the last three planets were stripped completely and we lost five more."

He runs a hand over his face and she can tell by the way he holds his shoulders that he's tired. "But you were right about M7R-241." A little smirk appears. "I don't know how you got the intel, but the installation was there and Rodney got it up and running. That should hold Stargate Command off for awhile."

She knows better than to take notes, just commits it to memory and holds it safe. Every loss hits her and she tries to distance herself from their struggle. Eleven months away and Atlantis is still more home to her now than she'd like.

"We need supplies, but I know you're working on that." He smiles and the meaning behind it is so clear it makes her ache. "We'll get you back here, Elizabeth."

The video ends abruptly, the last of the original message playing through to the end. The embedded file is merely static now, a complicated trojan program Rodney built for the back end, but she still lingers before handing it back to the officers standing outside her door.



The sound of his voice is faint, but it gives her the seconds she needs to school her expression before he turns the corner with David.

Everything about him is familiar, and the tempo of her heart picks up a notch. It has been so long (not counting Brad’s New Year’s Eve party a couple of years back, but that had involved alcohol and cigarettes and a relapse she’s sure can be blamed on that ridiculously small upstairs balcony). She oddly feels like a stranger, estranged and out of the loop, but his smile when he sees her is sheepish, boyish and unreserved. She remembers more about why she has missed him.

“Torri!” He reaches out to hug her, arms strong as he pulls her to him. Her breath catches, but she manages a smile.

They step apart as she struggles to find something to say, Joe’s hand a warm presence on her arm. She settles for, “it’s good to see you.”

He nods in agreement, eyes searching her face. His touch is suddenly electric and she feels a faint flush climb to her cheeks. He clears his throat, removes his hand, and David graciously intervenes with conversation.



And then, she lives indefinitely.

He smiles sadly. “Not even you can do that, Adair.”


Nineteen hours into the longest day of her life, she breaks down and cries. Because of this planet, this day, she will never let Uly out of her sight again, but because of this, he’s cured, and now she finally can.

When John finds her, he says nothing, but sits down quietly beside her.

Only he would know she cries for joy.


She stands outside, shoulders shrugged up against winter, watching the camp below sleep in a temporary sort of peace. Her breath hangs in the air, still and white and cold, and she wonders if she can get everyone to New Pacifica in time.

John startles her by coming out of the woods to one side. He sees her and gives a casual nod, like it isn’t the middle of the night, like they both haven’t caught each other awake and wandering without reason. He walks the short distance up the hill, stands beside her and shoves cold hands in his pockets. “You’re gonna catch your death, Adair.”

“I couldn’t sleep,” she says, her words visible in the air for a brief, white moment.

He shrugs. “Just came to check on True.”

It’s a strange relationship they’ve developed, almost a dependent relationship that hovers somewhere between emotion and logic, between partners and friends.

“And…” He bounces on his feet, gets the blood moving. “I couldn’t sleep.”

She smiles lightly, content. The camp is quiet and still. It takes most of a day to put it up, assign designated areas, and secure perimeter lights, but they never build it to last.

“We’ll need to move soon,” she says.

He nods. “I can get the Rail ready in a couple of days.”

It’s too long, too far, but there’s a ridiculous sort of denial that comes near the end.


She listens as he tells Uly a story about oceans and cities, about children who change the future and the young man that leads them all.


She speaks in a hoarse whisper, a lifetime of ailments manifest and she is surprised she’s fallen so far so fast.

“It’s going to be okay, Uly,” she says, but his eyes are wide with fear, as if it’s suddenly dawned on him that he really will outlive her after all.


6 whispers :: tell me a secret
natushka From: natushka Date: February 24th, 2009 06:58 am (UTC) (Link)
blah epic fail whatever. :P

I haven't read John/Liz fic in EVA (even though I'm suppose to be writing for the 'fix-it challenge' that's epic fail because I haven't started yet and its due at the end of the week) no srsly and this pwned.

MORE FIC! *nods*
tater_mae From: tater_mae Date: February 24th, 2009 07:27 am (UTC) (Link)
hi. please have your writing skills marry me and have my children. thanks.
xfirefly9x From: xfirefly9x Date: February 24th, 2009 03:08 pm (UTC) (Link)
Love these! Very nice. :D
roothekittykat From: roothekittykat Date: February 24th, 2009 04:09 pm (UTC) (Link)
John/Elizabeth = totally awesomely fantabulous!
muldy From: muldy Date: February 24th, 2009 07:31 pm (UTC) (Link)
Omg I totally miss John/Liz fan fic...it's been so long!

But I did love it. And the rest of it (although what fandom is the last one from? *fail*)

I've had the same problem I can't write fic no matter how hard I try!!
anr From: anr Date: May 31st, 2009 12:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
OMG! How did I miss this post before? It's, like, the best 'ship-mix ever, with four-out-of-four of my favourite otp's!

bones! sga! rpf! e2! *huggles them all madly*

6 whispers :: tell me a secret