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SGA Fic: Unspoken - tranquility... best achieved in chaos
phrenitis
phrenitis
SGA Fic: Unspoken
In my perfectionistic and insecure writing world I'd spend more time on this to make it polished and... logical. But I've played with it and played with it and it's at the point where I just want to shove it out of the nest because I don't care whether it flies anymore or not. *wooks*

And, if she likes it (heh, after all that), written for mspooh because she wondered just how much of John and/or Elizabeth was in that kiss.


Title: Unspoken
Rating: PG
Category: John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir. The Long Goodbye post-fic.
Spoilers: The Long Goodbye
Disclaimer: Owned by others. Pay them.
Author’s Note: Er, Phoebus and Thalan slept together during the episode. Just in case you missed it. *la*


==

For two days it’s all he can think about.

In her boots and tailored black jacket, she walks with a confidence that is entirely Phoebus and he stares.

She calls him aside after a meeting, her arms crossed. “Do we need to talk?”

He shrugs and looks away.

*

It’s bruising, the kiss.

And twice in less than twenty-four hours he finds himself wishing circumstances could be so very very different.

Thalan pushes her backward abruptly. She trips, her legs tangled tightly in his, but her hands never leave his belt until he’s pressing her up against the wall, grabbing her arms to pin them up over her head. Her kiss is rough, hot, and after she bites his lip, she looks up at him and smiles.

John is all too aware of where this is leading.

*

Irrationally, he’s jealous of Thalan and angry with Phoebus, which means he’s envious of himself and mad at Elizabeth, and it’s all so fucked up, he can only begin to breathe when he’s off-world.

*

They step through the stargate into a planet that is dreary and rainy, and he relishes in the fact that his boots are muddy after only a quarter of a mile down the road.

He feels in control again – there is work to be done; he has a mission after all - and he sets a quick pace to the village.

They stay one night, but the bed is hard and his mind is restless.

He tries not to think of Atlantis.

*

Sometimes he wonders if she remembers, and if she does, if it meant anything to her at all.

*

When he brings back the ZPM, a cheer goes up around the city.

“You did it, John.” She shares a smile, her eyes bright.

He licks his lower lip and hisses in pain.

*

He chooses to remember as little as possible. It’s easier to believe in Thalan and Phoebus, and wipe the memory off as theirs.

But he knows the feel of her, intimately, and remembers more than he can forget.

It’s agonizing to work and live in such close proximity when he’s torn between avoiding or kissing her.

He goes off-world again.

*

She doesn’t remember, he decides a few weeks later. The majority of details aren’t exactly clear for him, and he can believe.

She is forever professional.

*

They gather in front of the screen to see the added defense shields, and he suddenly notices he’s standing much too close to her. He thinks he feels her body tilt, leaning backward toward him ever so slightly, and it’s wrong that he can’t step away, can’t even stop thinking about it.

His heart beats loudly as he stares at the computer blueprint of Atlantis before she turns to reach around him for her PDA. His arm brushes against her side, skin very briefly against skin, and she jumps.

The bright flush eventually leaves her cheeks, but she stays a conference room distance away from him the rest of the meeting.

*

She never says a word about any of it, and that, perhaps, is the worst of all.

-Fin

Tags:

21 whispers :: tell me a secret
Comments
trialia From: trialia Date: April 3rd, 2006 02:58 am (UTC) (Link)
*blink*

*not sure whether to believe you or not*

Not bad.
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:00 am (UTC) (Link)
Heh. My own fic writing tends to make me frustrated. ;)

Thanks for reading. :)
pinnacles From: pinnacles Date: April 3rd, 2006 03:28 am (UTC) (Link)
Mmmm, I like. :)
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:01 am (UTC) (Link)
Aw thanks. :)

And yay Hwy 1 icon!
mspooh From: mspooh Date: April 3rd, 2006 03:39 am (UTC) (Link)
Love! But that ending, omg.

MAKE THEM HAPPY, DAMN YOU!

LOL. But seriously, I hate you and your awesome fic-writing talent. :P
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:03 am (UTC) (Link)
Ha! And the ending was the part that was driving me most crazy. Because really, in fic-world, The Long Goodbye just called out for me to make it angsty. Really. It was all, "ANGSTY. OMG MAKE ME AAAAANGSTY!"
daisycm83 From: daisycm83 Date: April 3rd, 2006 04:50 am (UTC) (Link)
Wow. See, I don't read a LOT of John/Liz stuff, but this...this got to me. I really like the tone here, something about the way it's kind of fractured up and not over explained is very John to me. And he is a believable sort of angsty here and um, yes. This I like lots.
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:09 am (UTC) (Link)
*beams* Your comments are both very sweet and explanatory in a way that helps SO MUCH. Thank you. I tend to write more by feel than by following any sort of outline or thought-out plot, and can't often explain why I write a fic in the way it turns out. But what you got out of this fic was the tone that I kept feeling, and it makes me so happy to know that it made sense to someone. :)
daisycm83 From: daisycm83 Date: April 9th, 2006 01:49 pm (UTC) (Link)
Yay! I'm glad they helped you.
From: nyuszi Date: April 3rd, 2006 05:16 am (UTC) (Link)
oh wow! pretty... *grins*
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:10 am (UTC) (Link)
Thanks hon! :D
muldy From: muldy Date: April 3rd, 2006 06:43 am (UTC) (Link)
Ooh me like!! Very good!! You half brought my muse back to life...but then it died again halfway through a page of writing...

*sighs*

But yay was good :)!
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:12 am (UTC) (Link)
Oh yay! My muse likes to be on vacation more than around and helpful, so I understand what a good kick up its ass can do. ;) I hope it will come back for you!

And thank you, m'dear!
nhawk From: nhawk Date: April 3rd, 2006 08:25 pm (UTC) (Link)
Ouch. Yes, this is lovely. There are so wondefully messed up here.

And because it's worth saying once again: I LOVE YOUR WRITING, JEN!. :)
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 9th, 2006 05:15 am (UTC) (Link)
Yes! Oh I do love them messed up. I also seem to love apocafic and tortured RPF. Hmm, I wonder what this is saying about me? *eyebrows*

So very happy you enjoyed this, and thank you for your lovely comments! :)
(Deleted comment)
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 11th, 2006 11:03 pm (UTC) (Link)
*grins*

Thanks! :D
crayonbreakygal From: crayonbreakygal Date: April 17th, 2006 12:02 am (UTC) (Link)
This was recc'd on stargateficrec, so I had to come over and read it for myself. Great John POV you've done. I really like it. And I really like your style of writing. So angsty, yet so John.
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: April 28th, 2006 07:17 pm (UTC) (Link)
So coming in late to reply to this, but thank you for your comments! :)
kejsarinna From: kejsarinna Date: May 15th, 2006 07:37 pm (UTC) (Link)
here from stargateficrec, this was great. i love angst, i really do. this piece was great, written in a very intresting way. thanks for this!
phrenitis From: phrenitis Date: May 17th, 2006 07:42 pm (UTC) (Link)
Thank you for your comments! And heh, I think I really love angst, too. :)
21 whispers :: tell me a secret