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SGA Fic: In The End - tranquility... best achieved in chaos
phrenitis
phrenitis
SGA Fic: In The End
Um, it just sort of happened...


Title: In The End
Rating: PG
Category: John Sheppard/Elizabeth Weir. Angst.
Spoilers: This Mortal Coil.
Disclaimer: Owned by others. Pay them.

==

i.

It doesn't hit him hard and fast, doesn't leave him staggering, and he thinks Elizabeth would have felt the same if she were in his place, if this were some other experience entirely. Instead, it's a slow whoosh of air that aches purposefully and relentlessly, and he knows when he breathes again the pain will be worse.

“John,” she says, and he’s been Colonel for so long now that he’s forgotten who that John used to be.

She smiles, and it's her smile. I understand that smile says, and he’s not surprised; he’s still having trouble believing it is and is not her. So he focuses on the not, somehow believes that helps.

==

ii.

It’s a short walk from the gate to the camp, and he tries not to fall in line with her step.

He listens as Rodney monopolizes the conversation with updates and questions, and everything is normal, so perfectly normal that he feels nauseous. He tightens his hand on his gun, looks up at the sky and has a hard time believing that she is the only part of this world that’s not real.

==

iii.

He manages not to shoot anything when her words sink in, and is stuck in denial, or stunned into silence, wanting so badly for this Elizabeth to be her. He's sorry now, more than before, more than ever, but he knows she wouldn't want him to dwell.

She reaches out to touch him and the contact is explosive, a shock like a fucking grenade going off in his hand, and he wants to shake her until it all falls into place and he sees the bigger purpose and knows it hasn’t all been a waste of time.

She’s stronger than he is right now, accepting where he wants to fight.

“You’re still Elizabeth, you know,” he says, manages to smile.

“I know.” She smiles back, but it’s faint and pained. “That’s what makes this so hard.”

==

iv.

She says goodbye when they’re alone, momentarily lost to the forest and aware they don’t have much time. He knows she expects him to say it back, to say it once and exorcise demons or lay her to rest, but she’s going to have to die twice today, and he’d rather be haunted by that forever.

He hugs her tightly, knows she’s scared by the way she leans into him, and hates that she has to be right.

Elizabeth starts on with apologies, rambling about their mistakes those first few years until it starts to sound like the kind of laundry list it would take for the SGC to finally shut them down.

He gives her a little shake. “Shut up, Elizabeth.”

She laughs, her face buried in his chest.

They don’t say anything else.


-Fin

Tags:

8 whispers :: tell me a secret
Comments
angelqueen04 From: angelqueen04 Date: December 14th, 2007 02:41 am (UTC) (Link)
*wibbles* So beautiful and sad...
sapphs From: sapphs Date: December 14th, 2007 02:47 am (UTC) (Link)
*goes misty-eyed* That was so beautiful.
peanutbutterer From: peanutbutterer Date: December 14th, 2007 06:30 pm (UTC) (Link)
Wonderful. It's nice to see how some important holes in that ep might have been filled in. There had to be more that went on between them.
nhawk From: nhawk Date: December 14th, 2007 10:05 pm (UTC) (Link)
so perfectly normal that he feels nauseous.

They don’t say anything else.

All of it, it breaks my heart. *cries*

Wonderfully written. Thank you.
elvinborn From: elvinborn Date: December 15th, 2007 05:53 am (UTC) (Link)
so good. so sad. *hurts*
drummergurl From: drummergurl Date: December 15th, 2007 07:41 am (UTC) (Link)
I know this isn't related to this post, but I care not, for I know you revere my opinions above all. *snort*

I was on the phone to Toby yesterday, and was absolutely *dying* with laughter as he expressed his concern for your real person fics. *guffaws* When I linked him to your website for that BSG video, boy found all the fic, and although he says he can "understand" writing about fictional characters', his worry about writing about "Katee" and "Jamie" had me absolutely crying. Then he started making up his own on the spot that almost made me herniate with the laughing. If you have time, ask him on facebook to tell you a rpf story. Ahhh, Toby. *dabs at the tears*

Dude, also, was totally out when DHL tried to deliver yesterday...dammit! Will ring them to redeliver next week. Am excited, EEE. :D And, um, I may have missed the last international Christmas post...you don't mind a new year gift do you? *WOOKS*
muldy From: muldy Date: December 15th, 2007 08:09 am (UTC) (Link)
Aaaw, this is the first Atlantis fic I've read in months...and I loved it. Simple and sad.

justhere1971 From: justhere1971 Date: January 1st, 2008 09:58 pm (UTC) (Link)
So heartbreaking. I want her back! :(
8 whispers :: tell me a secret